...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize