Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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