if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
