i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
