My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
