Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
