so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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