I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
