where am i from again
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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