My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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