It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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