winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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