You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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