okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
