Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
