I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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