There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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