Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
