Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
