So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
