I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
