His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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