Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
