apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize