ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
