Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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