So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
