Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
false alarm, still single
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