Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
false alarm. still invincible.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
