Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
