dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize