eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
