i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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