Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
