No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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