his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
