The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i just had sex bonerless
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
