Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
