im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
