dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
