Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
