Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
