i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Barsexuality is the new black.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
