I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
