Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Dignity is for republicans.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
