The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
