Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
