I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
