There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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