This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
