first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
