I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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