He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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