Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
