omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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