sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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