Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
