I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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