just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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