at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
