Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
