we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
