our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
