Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
