I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
