one word: firstdatebathroomanal
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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