remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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