im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
