I looked at my own cervix.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
