Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
