the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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