I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
