You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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